Starting a series where I will be talking about Traits (Skills) as a person we all should possess. Many of us know but hate implementing it as one of the haves. I will be elaborating on each of these traits, keep following me.

1. Speaking up your Mind
2. Being Honest with Yourself
3. Self Confidence
4. Listening
5. Stop Cribbing
6. Being Consistent
7. Having Enough Sleep
8. Managing Your Time
9. Being in the Present
10. Empathy

TRAIT -1 SPEAKING UP YOUR MIND

In this article, I will be taking you through the first trait or skill “SPEAK UP” mentioned in my earlier post on the 10 haves, Traits that we all should strive for. I will also be discussing the reasons why we fail to speak up as well as trying to find a way out of speaking up.

“SPEAK UP” Sounds good and looks easy to do, but believe me Speaking up is too hard to do. It is the most universal challenge that we as humans face, even today.

Let us understand what Speak up Literally means as per the dictionary. It is not different from what you thought about, yes it means, “To speak distinctly or express an opinion freely”. 

Everyone one of us likes to say something or other in a situation where we disagree with an opinion or would like to add a different idea to the decision-making process.

In my professional career of 26+ years, I have worked with a lot of professionals from all walks of life. Many would assert largely, but a lot of people cannot speak for themselves and found that most people tend not to react or act. Later they rationalize their inaction.

It is not that such people are inferior compared to others or are introverts (I will be sharing my thoughts on Introverts post-completion of the 10 traits). Such individuals are disrespected, not given the due value they deserve, and at times are trampled on, in their work life, even to the extent in their personal lives.

Reason-1:

 It is simple, such people are in two minds about whether to speak up or not, i.e. such people fail to make effective decisions that will help them navigate through challenges and take the right steps for their success.

Example: The best example is saying “NO” to your boss. As a diligent employee, compassionate colleague, or thoughtful leader if you do not speak or lend your voice to the conversation, then you are not doing your job.

Reason – 2: 

It all depends upon individuals as to how they perceive assertiveness to speak up. This is large because each individual has cultural differences in degree and knowledge of the domain. Everyone needs a sense of esteem within the group, self-confidence about their experience of life, freedom of choice, and social bonds. This may result in rewards and fear of threats that you may face when dealing with other people.

Reason – 3: 

FIVE social elements will come to your mind when you would like to speak up. These elements are:

a.     Status

b.     Certainty

c.     Autonomy

d.     Relatedness

e.     Fairness

Why because when you will speak one of the above elements might get pushed and the most common of them is “STATUS”, especially when you are communicating the command.

I have personally lived a devastating life for not being able to speak up for myself. (I will talk about my experiences in my youtube series and also share the link where I will be taking you through various career challenges and how did I overcome them post my current series on youtube on finding Happiness through IKIGAI)

It affects you emotionally and changes your behavioral functioning.

Here are some of the practices that you should try and this should help you Speak up for yourself.

A.     Childhood Incidences: The development of beliefs and behavior starts developing in early childhood and our reactions to situations to speak up are somehow related to this childhood development.

Our behavior is determined by the fact of what we learned during childhood and the culture that we all were raised in and varies from person to person as stated earlier in this article.

Coming back to childhood, we need to go back and find out whether

i)                 Did you struggle speaking up for yourself

ii)                Was there any incident, where you felt wanted to speak for yourself but did not speak up

iii)              Was there any emotional moment that went well or had a terrible impact

iv)              Was there any incident where you were laughed at.

I have memories related to my childhood of being bullied and stopped from speaking up for myself on the school bus by seniors.

B.     Have clarity: You need to have clarity on

a.      What you want to say.

b.     “To whom you want to say”

Very important points, to ponder. I had my experiences in speaking up for myself to my upward line and down the line. Speaking up for oneself with the line command usually drained the entire energy, thinking as to how to communicate without being taken otherwise.

C.    Keep emotions, anger, and stress away: When you know what to talk about and whom to talk to, you need to have your emotions under check, anger, and stress of not speaking up away and to tell them distinctly what you expect the change.

Example: When talking to higher command you should not give them a feeling that you are offending them or hurting them.

It is difficult to control my emotions, and my energy is always drained. During that moment, the flow of adrenalin is very high. At times, I despite controlling emotions had several occasions where I exhibited it to subordinates. Nevertheless, with up the line never. (In corporates there are various techniques where, I will be putting up a video on my, youtube channel. Will share the link on LinkedIn. Do watch it)

D.    Understanding the Ecosystem: It is better to understand the organization’s ecosystem.

Example: Better understanding of the culture of the organization. Does the organization trust you, Is there openness and acceptance, and is there transparency or backstabbing.

In the who part, one has to understand the fact about the nature of the person with whom we will be interacting, whether he/she is:

a.     Rational or irrational

b.     Personality

c.      Power dynamics – we discussed this earlier above in this article.

In my career, I have faced such situations where there has been backstabbing. (My book “Struggles 2% Mindset – Success against Failures and Challenges” is being published soon)

E.     Prepare for Consequences or make a Plan: In my career, I have found people of their inaction on speaking up is largely due to thinking of the consequences aftermath. So as a part of Speak up for yourself, understand that there will be consequences. Hence, prepare for them. Prepare for them, understand what may come back your way, and be ready for that.

If you find it difficult, find a mentor; sponsor; an advocate to support you through this.

Anticipation of consequences is a must tool to have and you have to prepare it in advance for the action items. This will ease the pressure, rather than stress if not prepared.

I had been fortunate and have been able to deal with them amicably.

That is all about the first trait or skill. Tried to make you understand different aspects of not speaking up for yourself. A broad guideline on How to prepare better to speak up for yourself.

Hope this sounds useful to you in speaking up for yourself.

Thank You for keeping patience and reading through the details on Speak up. Winding up for this week on Traits. Coming up next is the second trait “Being Honest with Yourself”